Yesterday was my husband’s Birthday. We drove to the city to see our kids and spend his special day with them.
We drove home after a fantastic day, discussing past birthdays and remembering special times. We were talking about a time his mom forgot his Birthday. His mom is older, and it just slipped her mind. She didn’t do it intentionally; just part of getting older for her.
I was immediately taken back to a time in my life when I sat and waited for my mom to call, but it never came.
My Birthday had never been a happy day for most of my adult life. I have spent most of my adult life waiting for a call on my Birthday from the one person I thought should be excited for me and want to celebrate what I thought should feel like a special day to her.
But that day just didn’t come.
All day I thought about how grateful I am to celebrate with my husband on his special day. What a blessing he is, and I am grateful to his mom for bringing him into this world. But as we talked, That feeling was creeping up.
I talked to him about waiting for that call, and I was in tears. By the end of the day, I was in tears.
I would end every Birthday sobbing about how I must not be worth the shit on anyone’s shoes if my mother couldn’t remember my Birthday or chose not to be part of a day in my life when she was a big part of it.
I remember the year that it flipped for me. I remember looking at my family, beautiful kids, and husband. They are all around, and I realized I had everything I needed right here.
It came to my mind that I had waited so long for someone else to prove I was worthy of love, yet, I waited for the one person incapable of giving me that!!
She could not give me that because it was time for me to give it to me!
I had given someone else that power over me, that didn’t deserve to have that control. It was controlling my life, my every move thought, and action.
I was people-pleasing and doing things not aligned with what I wanted in my life. This one thing was such a massive thing for me!!
The day I realized that significant bit of information.
It was life-changing.!!!
I needed to find my strength and not give that job to someone else to show me I was worthy!
If you are wondering who you are giving the job of proving your worth to, it’s not too hard to find.
Just ask yourself who you need approval from. That should answer that question very fast for you.
While it is normal as a child to seek our parent's approval, as an adult, it isn’t helpful or healthy to allow ourselves to be controlled by this approval.
Letting it go can feel like a struggle, but when you allow the hidden parts of you to come into the light by acknowledging them, it has to start healing. It is a natural law.
So who have you allowed to dictate your worth?
Need some help with this? Grab a healing session, and let’s get to the root of it!!!
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